As a bit of a perfectionist, I continue to be faced with thoughts of things that I do are not enough, or good enough. I can always do better. I am finding though that I am gaining power though through continuing to explore and name my feelings, and then re-frame my thinking.
I think this is helping to diminish some of my frustrations, sadness, and disappointment. I had two more classes to teach this semester that were set to start in February, but I was waiting to find out if they would run or be canceled. I knew that each needed more students to enroll in them, ideally. I was informed that one is expected to continue and the other is canceled due to low enrollment. I understand that the decision has to be made within a certain time-frame so that the school can avoid having to pay me for canceling late, and so that the students can still add another class. While it remains a bit disappointing that one was canceled, I am choosing instead to be thankful.
I am thankful that it looks like I am going to have an awesome psychology class this semester! I am also thankful that I will also have another class that will be starting in February which will be an evening sociology class. I am thankful to have the mornings to sleep in when I choose and am able to. I’ve never been a morning person and I don’t see that changing. I am thankful that I get to enjoy fridays off with my husband. Soon enough, life will get busier again, so whatever downtime we can have together is always a blessing. I am also thankful that I am not overloaded with work while I am still getting the hang of teaching. I am glad that I can recognize the small gains and progress that I am making.
I shared my icebreaker experience with my department chair. She appreciated it, and asked to share it with my colleagues. There was a time when I was working in a really unhealthy environment before I was teaching, so I can really appreciate the freedom, support, and validation that I receive in my current work environment. Some of the students that I get to work with, really are a pleasure to have in class. The other day, one of them excitedly said “Your activities slay!” I’m trying to let go of self-doubt, and instead hold onto moments like those.